We have all had our rendezvous with them. Good or bad, sweet or caustic, love them or hate them, rishta aunties have become the phenomenon that has seen tremendous acknowledgment from all the quarters of our eastern social fabric. Much has been written about these aunties and their anecdotes. Looking at the immense material available both on and off the net, we sat down with the damsels in distress *read young girls of a marriageable age* and categorized these aunties into five, hard to miss types. What’s even better, we have also researched on the tried and tested ways to deal with the situation. Here you go!

1. Sweet and irrational:

These aunties have just hopped on to the roller coaster ride of a suitable match making spree. They have heard thousands of stories about how people hate the matchmaking games. So they are extremely cautious and nice. Sadly, they are equally clueless. They would try to make small talk but fail miserably. Also, they are usually accompanied by a bhabi (larrkay ki phuppo) or behn (larrkay ki khala), which more often than not belong to category 2. They would probably like the girl on the first meeting without knowing why but unfortunately, will not be taken seriously by the other controlling figures in the family. Our advice to you: Be nice and polite to the hapless creatures. Just don’t get your hopes up.

2. Rich and controlling:

“Tau ye ghar kitnay kanal ka hay?” is going to be the conversation kick starter. There will be several references to the houses, servants and jewellery the family owns in the middle of the chat. Also, several clichéd hopes of an ideal bahu will be shared. These aunties usually try to gauge the girl in the light of the moolah the family has. Also, if they are *ahem, well connected (if you know what we mean), because well,” logon pay acha impression parrta hay”. Our advice to you: unless you want to have reruns of saas bahu dramas on repeat in your life, run like hell and don’t even look back.

3. Bahir wali aunties (who live in 1950s):

These moved out of the country back in the turn of the century and have had very little connection with the changes that have taken place. Now that they are back on the scene, because, well, “larrkay nay job kerli hay”, they are on a constant lookout for a gharelo Pakistani larrki. Sadly, their ideals for a Pakistani larrki date back to the 1900s. Our advice to you: Try to know the guy beforehand, maybe he belongs to the modern ages and does not share his mom’s vision of ideal bahus. Keep your fingers crossed!

4. Al Huda aunties (halal and mahram):

We don’t have anything against these aunties. Well, as long as they don’t try to recruit you in the abaya brigade against your will. Also, on numerous occasions, we have found some of them to be pretty enlightened. Our advice to you: Try to engage them in a conversation and see if they are radical *read unable to live with.

5. None of the above:

It might be hard to believe but there are the types who have gone through the same charade ages ago and vowed never to become a typical rishta aunty nightmare. They would not observe the girl under a microscope and would be pretty much ok with a ‘aaj kal ke zamanay ki larrki’. Our advice: Be nice to them girls, their laadla might turn out to be ‘the one’!